Not for me, sillies. Chris and I have a friend we'll call Paul. Paul came over last night with love woes, looking for advice. Paul is looking for a long term relationship. Yet, Paul is very guarded about his life he's built, and is protective of his time. Basically, I don't think he likes to let girls into his life very easily.
Paul is in his thirties and never dated much. Everyone thought he was in the closet. Turns out he had some abuse in his past and was a late bloomer. He's very educated, enjoys the arts, has a very interesting and good job, is financially stable, and has a few hobbies. He's tall, thin (but not scrawny), and a good dresser. His most noticable flaw is that he's a bit socially immature. He says silly things and giggles at odd moments.
He is a guy who checks out, emotionally, from relationships very quickly. If there's no spark, he quickly checks out. His only relationship that's lasted more than 6 months was with a girl in Japan while he was living and working there. He's started to date a lot recently and is having trouble. He has two girls on the line right now:
1. A Japanese exchange student, 22, in college in the town where he lives. They had an instant connection and started a physical relationship immediately. She leaves in November. If she were staying her forever, he'd probably be dating her exclusively, as he's excited about spending time with her. In a perfect world, he'd want to spend a lot of time with her between now and when she leaves.
2. A girl he met online, from a town about 1 hour away, who is cute, stable and in her thirties. She's applying to law school and likes similar hobbies to his. He also has a physical relationship with this girl, but spends less time with her. He doesn't feel an excited spark, but likes her as a person and enjoys their time together. He knows he's putting her off because of the other girl that is closer in distance and he's more excited about spending time with the other girl.
He's in knots about trying to juggle both girls. What advice would you give him?
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This blog is a collection of things on my mind. Could be serious, could be rambling idiocy. I invite you all to read, debate, ridicule, *whack*, and even give me a little love.
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13 comments:
He's never going to settle down if he continues dating girls who don't live in his area on a permanent basis.
Not sure what to say. It's great he's getting dating experience but I think he needs to start dating someone who lives in his immediate vicinity and isn't an exchange student.
If there is no spark for girl #2, then he should end it. Why drag it on. She'll probably get hurt in the end.
And, he needs to stifle the giggles :-)
I was torn on advice for girl #2. I started out telling him to break it off if he wasn't really feeling it. However, Chris said he isn't giving the relationship a real chance because he's comparing it to his experience with the Asian student, and that's not a fair comparisson as it's an exciting short-term thing.
I guess I'm torn on the instant spark vs. the developed spark issue. Do all good relationships have instant spark? I don't know.
The thing is, he seems to date women who aren't really available (Girl #1 leaves in Nov., Girl #2 is an hour away). That's his way of being able to check out of the relationship. So, now matter who he chooses, it's a doomed relationship. If he stays with them both, girl #1 then leaves in Nov. So, he's then with girl #2. But, she's an hour away and going to law school. Is he willing to move closer to her if the relationship works out? Is she willing to move closer to him?
He needs to start dating women closer by to him.
Chris does have a point.
And I don't think all good relationships have an instant spark.
This whole thing makes me very happy that I'm not dating.
Glad to be not dating as well.
I agree with Nookie on everything.
If girl #2 is cute, stable, and in her 30s, odds are good that he's not the only one she's seeing either. It might not be a huge issue for her if he breaks it off.
Just a thought.
It took six years for me to spark with Jason. :)
I say silly things and giggle a lot, too.
I haven't responded because my response is a typical "dude" response and probably wouldn't go over very well with you sensitive types. *grin*
Well, he wants to know if it's acceptable to keep sleeping with both. :-)
I figured your response would be more like "He's so gay."
Was it in Middlesex where they talked about gay men liking to sleep with Asian women because their bodies are most androgenous?
I say hell yes it's acceptable to sleep with both. If I were single and was able to be hittin two chicks at once? I totally would.
Ack, that was my out loud voice, wasn't it? *sigh*
Hah, the gay thing hadn't crossed my mind.
Kim, you're right the book did talk about the Asian - young boy thing. Maybe he is still way in the closet.
Vacation was wonderful!
Hot - 100-102.
I hate being home.
I did a mini-peep meet on the way to Florida. I will post about it later.
Nookie is ver mart.
very smart even.
FWIW, I never was stupid-giddy head over heels with Mr Bob ever.
Liked having sex with him though.
Me? Also glad not in the dating thing. DH and I celebrated 15 years last week! Soooo glad not to be in the dating arena!
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