First, some pepperjack, sausage and crackers.
*reclines on couch* Feel free to start the timer.
Chris and I got into a good conversation after a few drinks the other night. He's pretty close to his female partner at work (and we were out with her, so that's how this conversation started). We'll call her Jo. He's, for whatever reason, always liked having a close female friend. I think he likes to feel needed and man friends don't always give off that vibe. He enjoys helping Jo with things around her house (she's single with a condo) and giving advice on "man" things. They have become pretty good friends. She enjoys my company, also. While I like her well enough, she's not my usual type of friend. I feel kind of bad that I don't feel more strongly about a big bonding friendship with Jo, but Chris understands that we don't have tons in common.
Thus, we started analyzing friendships of past and present. I realized that I have never been a particular open person with my feelings and thus my friendships were always more about listening to the other person's problems, or just sharing common interests and having fun.
The result of this reflection is that I've had no friends I can say were "so much like me" or "as close as a sister." I had "best friends" where we hung out a lot and went lots of places together. But there wasn't that connection I think exists between many best friends. It was just now that I realized this. It's kind of a sad feeling to look back & realized that I probably missed out on something great by not being more open & bonding. But then again, maybe I just never met the right person to be my kindred soul.
So, I'm really thankful for all of you. While we might not be "best friends," you are the people I open up to most (other than Chris and my oldest sis). You're objective and truly caring people. If I'm ever not open enough or if I don't personally email or call you, it's not that I don't care. It's that it's akward for me. I've always had friends that came to me crying and I'd just listen. I didn't have to do much reaching out. There are some people on here that I do care about and since they didn't come crying to me, I've tried to reach out and extend the hand...but I could do a better job. I'm learning, peeps. Be patient. :-)
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29 comments:
I think we have all had a chance to learn a lot about friendships because of our online community.
*smooch*
If you ever need to talk, you can always contact me. I promise to take you seriously and wear my pants. :)
Kim, I like you. :-)
I've always been a little guarded with my feelings as well. I've opened up a lot more with my e-friends than my IRL friends. I've also learned that it can be easier to get to know someone on a much deeper level electronically than you ever would in person.
See, Carey is so good at this friendship thing. *takes notes* And the funny part? I just agonized over whether I should type "And you know you can always talk to me...I'm actually an excellent listener." But then I'm like, "She already has awesome friends for that...she wouldn't need me...I'd be stupid to offer." See, this doesn't come naturally for me, even though my honest intentions are there. Verbalizing and offering aren't my best traits when it comes to this stuff. Sigh. Yet, I'm actually a confident person. *boggle*
MTW, you are quite right. I've found the same to be true.
I have found it much easier to open up to my friends who I have met through the computer. It just seems easier.
and you know what Kim, sometimes it's nice to go outside of your normal circle of friends for a fresh perspective. One can never have too many friends to talk to or open up to. Because every person has different life experiences and perspectives. Diversity is a magic thing. *smooch*
Yeah, whatever, I'm just here for the cheese.
And fortunatly with all this mooshy stuff I get LOTS of cheese.
Does this mean you will shave my toes now?
*props toes up on ottoman"
I'll take a Jack and Diet Coke whilst you work away.
*sigh* No secret here that I love my online friends the mostest. Hell my BF lives 3000 miles from, and yet? I talk to her every.single.day. Also online friends were the first to know about my pending divorce. It took a few weeks to tell IRL friends and I only did because we were having a get together. It took me over a month to tell my family. *sigh* I. am a basketcase when it comes to sharing my emotions. Basketcase.
*hugs Breezy*
Sharing emotions can be very scary. It's natural to worry about being judged. Or worry that you're the only one who is going through something or feeling a certain way. It's hard to find people who you feel you can trust. Sometimes we have to let our instinct lead us a little bit. And if our instinct tells us we can trust someone? then open up a little bit at a time with them. You learn quickly who you can trust. It's good to have friends who you can open up to and trust.
{{{hugs}}}
I'm pretty stoic when it comes to deep feelings so I get where you're coming from.
Had one best friend growing up and while we don't keep in touch for years, when we do it's like no time has passed. And we're polar opposites. I'll be seeing her over the holidays this year.
But Carlos is my best friend. We tend to hibernate and cut everyone else out. His mom says we're "independant"
So don't get too worked up about it. The important thing is you're there when people come to you for friendship. They know you care about them, otherwise they wouldn't bother.
And I think you're great because you drink and you have a wonderufl laugh. Two very important qualities in a friend :-)
Carey-you are just so full of wisdom. Maybe I will also be when I'm old. :-)
Bob-full yet?
Zombie-I'm still not shaving your toes. When you were preggers, I might have. However, now, you can reach your own toes.
Breezy-I hope you know that I think about your happiness a lot and know that your bf is helping you get through this with flying colors. I think it's awesome you two are so close and to think this silly box helped find you a bf. That's pretty cool.
MC-I think we'd totally drive our husbands nuts if we lived near eachother. We'd just drink and laugh the days away! I know what you mean about you & Carlos being "independent." I sense that about you two. It's awesome.
I don't know if I feel complimented, insulted or both. *giggle*
Breezy's bf thinks Breezy should move 3000 miles OUT WEST OUT WEST OUT WEST. *grin*
I think breezygirl would LOVE California. :-)
I keep telling her that. Hrmph.
They would spoil her rotten!
I don't see a problem with that.
I'm failing to see where this is a bad idea. Other than her seeing Aunt Carey in a drunken state every once in awhile.
Exactly, Kim. I keep telling her that. And she would have a bazillion new cousins that are her age.(Breezygirl, not Breezy) But Breezy would have a bazillion new cousings too. Michelle was raised in a Catholic family.
I'll count on you to talk her into moving here. :)
I can only come up with two cons:
-Leaving friends and family in MI
-High cost of living in CA
That, against the 300 pros. :-)
Opening up is way harder to do than just, say, exposing yourself. Which is what I tend to do. IRL I can't expose myself on account of repurcussions to my lovely DH and his various business & political stuff. So I'm a smiling wallflower. (But I like to watch so it's not all bad.)
Good friends are very hard to find and the older you are the harder it is.
I have two very close girlfriends IRL. In a way they are easier for me to talk to than my own sister, who I love dearly. Having said that, there are times when I'd rather tell my bloggy friends about certain things that tell them. My RL girlfriends are very different from me but we mesh well together. I think if we were exactly alike we'd clash a bit.
I often feel closer to some of my male friends and find it easier to talk to them, so I may understand where Chris is coming from.
For the record, after spending time with the Niagara Falls peeps this summer, I only wish that we lived closer. Meeting Kim, MC and Catt was like slipping my feet into my slippers. Instant comfort and warmth. We share the love of laughter.
*hugs Breezy*
*teary eyes*
*group hug*
*hugs*
I know exactly what you mean. I don't really have a best friend, so to speak. I have a couple of close friends, who know quite a bit. But no one person who has been with me for umpteen years and knows everything. And I don't tell my close friends everything, or even close to it. I do tend to say or spill more here in blogland than I would IRL. It's a bit easier.
Now. About this other topic. Breezy and Breezygirl need to move to Texas. It's closer to Carey, and not nearly as expensive.
Why do you want me to cry, Momma. I already have to be gellus that she lives near Rose. If she moves to Texas then I'll just have to be gellus all over again. Plus, we have the Jelly Belly factory and a two story Target. *pushes Momma*
Breezy should move.
Why not?
*smooch*
It's funny because I tend to be drawn to guys as friends, rather than girls. And I long to have that girly friendship, but I really don't.
My best friend in the whole world right now is Michael's ex, who is like a sister to me. Go figure.
I have developed two real life friendships with two of my neighbors, and I am really enjoying them. But I'm somewhat guarded.
I love all of my on-line friends. I really do. And I think the biggest reason is because we can truly be ourselves (unless some of you are just really good actors).
My best friend is my RL sister, but you guys are a very close second. A lot of peeps don't know as much about me as you all do.
*group hug*
...and an extra *hug* for Breezy (who should move to Cali) :D
*shoves Carey*
I don't want you to cry or be gellus. I figure it this way, you can fly to Texas and see Breezy and I'd get to see you too!
*shoves Momma* If she moves here, then you can come and visit us both. *stomp*
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