We pull in to garage, exit car with hands full of misc. items. She's on our heels, as is the dog.
MIL: Oh, you're home safe. Yeah, I had a real good trip. The tents are out drying. I'll pack them up tomorrow. I took Levi for a walk. Sure is lovely out! You have so many remotes so I just read a book and was about ready to go to bed. You are so late getting home!
I notice the house smells like LP. Notice the stove knob is ajar. Turn on fan and vent windows.
MIL: I had a cold salad for dinner and didn't use the stove. I left a California orange for you in the fruit basket and some dried fruit in your cupboard. I have some other food in the fridge from my cooler. I ate hard boiled egg and ham sandwiches in the Motel 6 room every day on the road. I brought you some wine. I know you don't like Oakey wines, so the man said this would be good. He wants me to write to him and let him know if you like it. I met such wonderful people along the way. People were real happy to see me and just loved Levi. And I got my oil changed in California. That was more expensive than I thought.
Chris: How much was it?
MIL: $230
Chris: Whaaaat?
MIL: Yeah, they had to replace the oil filter. It was the original.
Chris: I guarantee that wasn't the original oil filter.
MIL: They said it. Smith's never replaced it (the place she usually gets it done). They said it could do real damage to my car. Yeah, they're just real expensive in California.
Chris: Do you have the bill? I'd like to see it?
MIL: Yes, here it is. California is just much more expensive than here.
Chris: They replaced the fuel filter, mom, not just the oil filter. You would've been fine waiting on that.
I tried to explain the fuel filter and oil filter are different. I think she's ignoring me.
MIL: Oh well. They took real good care of me.
Chris: Mom, they took advantage of you.
MIL: Let's open the wine-I really want to try it.
Me: Um, ok. That's really light.
MIL: That IS really good, isn't it? Delicious! I'll be sure to tell him you really liked it.
I know I never said I liked it. Chris plays Mafia Wars and ignores her.
MIL: Oh, and the latern you gave me (we bought an LED lantern for her for her birthday so she could use it camping on her trip) didn't work. I put four batteries in it, two new and two used. It wouldn't work, so you can have it back. I can't use it.
Can we use this line when she gives us crap?
MIL: And yes, all the tornados in the south! Did you hear about the one man that went under a communion table and God saved him?
Me and Chris: Surely is wasn't that it's a heavy object and that's what you are supposed to go under.
At that point, we went to bed.
8 comments:
*hands Kimmer the rest of my bottle of Captain*
Geez. I'm worn out from just reading the conversation.
*hugs*
Chris read this and said I did a nice job capturing the visit. :-)
Thanks for sharing the booze, Breezy.
On a better note, she did apologize to Chris on the phone last night for saying she didn't want the lantern.
Because yes, the lantern did work when we put new batteries in it. Four of them she used had rust on them, felt super light weight and looked like they were about a decade old (I'm not even remotely joking).
In-law visits are so much fun. Especially surprise, short notice visits. What!?! You didn't drop your other plans to visit with her? Bad DIL!
Did you find your cats?
At least the house didn't blow up, lol.
My MIL hoards old batteries too. Like maybe they will regain their charge if they rest in a drawer for a while?
Maybe God was just saving His table.
Let's send all the mothers-in-law off to a mother-in-law island.
LOL! How did I miss this.
Good idea, Puffy. We can also send some orphans there to be doted upon.
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