My coworker's house (well, her front door), in a nice suburban area of Madison, was vandalized overnight. They wrote something to the effect of "Move by this weekend or else." She is a transsexual living with her wife (some may remember I've explained them in the past...They were a standard Mr. & Mrs., until B had surgeries and hormones to become a Mrs., too).
I'm shocked, sad, angry.....and feel helpless. Any thoughts on how I can be supportive and help my coworker?
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15 comments:
Wow, major suckitude. That's awful.
Assuming all the correct follow-up was done, calling the police, etc. there's not a whole lot you can do other than let her know you support her and her wife.
Unfortunately these things happen. Surprising in this day and age, but bigotry is out there, even in nice suburban areas of Madison.
And wine and cheese always helps in any situation. Although I'm not sure if this one calls for a red or a white.
Believe it or not these things still happen even in San Francisco.
As MC said, there isn't anything that you can do other than to stand united with your friend. When one is the victim of a hate crime like this they will be feeling hated and vulnerable and unloved. and even though nobody can do anything, it is so appreciated when they at least feel that their friends have acknowledged how horrible it is. It feels good to have people around who can be sympathetic. Offer any and all support that you can and are willing to offer. *hugs*
What Bravie said. State that you too are shocked by the sentiment expressed and the violation of their personal space. Affirm/reaffirm your friendship. Listen to them.
Hate crimes suck; I wish there were a cure for stupid people.
yep, what they all said. So sad.
That's horrible, kim.
I just echo the others. There's nothing you can do but let her know that you support her and be there if they need anything.
Not sure how comfortable you are with them but if you are comfortable enough to allow them to maybe spend tonight just to feel safe, that would be fantastic. If not, I understand. I'm not sure if Michelle would do something like that, letting sort of strangers stay at the house. But if you ARE comfortable doing that, it might be a nice gesture so they can have peace of mind sleeping tonight since tonight is the "or else" night.
But then you could become a target because you are helping them. so maybe not.
Nice idea, bravie. They won't take me up on it (for many logistical reasons), but I could still offer.
Just listening shows friendship and support. You're a good friend.
Did anything happen last night?
Oh my gawd. Why can't people just manage their own life and leave others to their's.
*sigh*
*sigh* I agree with what everyone else said. {{hugs}}
Stupid backwater idiotic people!
Sorry to hear about this. I'll echo what everyone else said, and the best you can do is to let them know you support them.
Luckily she was safe all weekend, however she still didn't report it to the police. Sigh.
You just being there, to talk or offer comfort, will help her get over the hurt and anger. It will take a while, and if it happens anymore a line of distrust will build that may or may not carry over to other relationships.
She may not report it, because often times the police themselves use the code of blue to project these things as being right. She may have a fear of them not taking her seriously, or even hearing unneeded comments by them. Not all police, but there are still some that use that blue shield.
Does she have any idea who did it? You could send an anonymous tip if she has told you. Because in case something worse were to happen, she would need some back up documentation of the harrassment. You could also start writing down what she tells you, like the date and time.
Hugs
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